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Anyone Got Any Good Jokes
 
# 76 : Tuesday 25-8-2015 @ 18:55
 
 
Someone said :
So, I was walking through Chicago and I saw that there was a "Muslim Book Store."

I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore, so I went in.

As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.

I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked,"Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"

The clerk said, "Fuck off, get out and stay out!"

I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"

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# 77 : Tuesday 25-8-2015 @ 19:04
 
 
Brilliant Kev!
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# 78 : Wednesday 26-8-2015 @ 12:18
 
 
A now retired teacher told me this one when he happened to come to a gig I was singing in. (this is a quick version)

A man hired to wash the linen in a Mental Health hospital, was approached late one night by some women, who were patients of the hospital that had one way or another got out of their room after curfew.
The worker and the women wound up having sex, but having realized it was probably caught on CCTV, the man abandoned his job and by the next day had disappeared.

The Article Headline read:
Washer Screws Nuts and Bolts
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# 79 : Wednesday 26-8-2015 @ 12:20
 
 


That's a good one!
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# 80 : Wednesday 26-8-2015 @ 14:18
 
 
"They're always telling me to live my dreams. But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for."
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# 81 : Sunday 11-10-2015 @ 17:07
 
 
So, the last time Ireland got knocked out of a major soccer tournament, Sky News sent a reporter to Tipperary, to get local reaction. He interviewed two lads in a pub, and got the footage he wanted. Filming over, he asked them if they would support England now that Ireland was no longer in the running.
One of them was emphatic: "No!"
The other guy hesitated. "Maybe. ... if they were playing Kilkenny."
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# 82 : Tuesday 13-10-2015 @ 14:25
 
 
I'm probably going to get hanged, drawn and quartered for this but here goes:

Q. What did one lesbian rabbit say to the other?

A. It is true, we do taste like chicken.

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# 83 : Wednesday 14-10-2015 @ 22:28
 
 
A Man walks into a Bar. Barman says to him 'Hey mate, you know you've got a steering between your legs'.! 'I know' says the guy... 'It's driving me Nuts'
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# 84 : Wednesday 14-10-2015 @ 22:55
 
 
Someone said :
A Man walks into a Bar. Barman says to him 'Hey mate, you know you've got a steering between your legs'.! 'I know' says the guy... 'It's driving me Nuts'

I think you missed a bit
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# 85 : Wednesday 14-10-2015 @ 22:58
 
 
Someone said :

I think you missed a bit

wheelie?
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# 86 : Thursday 15-10-2015 @ 10:11
 
 
=Kevsamo said :
So, I was walking through Chicago and I saw that there was a "Muslim Book Store."

I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore, so I went in.

As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.

I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked,"Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"

The clerk said, "Fuck off, get out and stay out!"

I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"


brillient.. love it... Joke of the year

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# 87 : Thursday 15-10-2015 @ 11:03
 
 
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# 88 : Friday 16-10-2015 @ 11:46
 
 
Two antennas's decided one day to get married. The wedding wasn't that good but the reception was great!!
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# 89 : Thursday 26-11-2015 @ 22:30
 
 
At the table quiz this evening, a comedian in the break:

Imagine they did pregnancy announcements on local radio as well as the death notices. 'Miriam McKenna, impregnated peacefully at her home, surrounded by her loving family.'
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# 90 : Saturday 19-12-2015 @ 22:16
 
 
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