Its so serious. cos my dad and I can barely talk properly since he was told and not by me ... I can barely go home to family events.. for the fear, it will upset him, I love him, but the fear of upsetting him worries me.
Despite my suspension that 2 of my cousins wives might have gathered I am gay, I know for fact none of it has gone back to my father. You got to love West of Ireland country upbringing..
My mother asked me last night if Id be home for christmas, I told her, cos of work, I'd doubt it...(I'm sure despite the hassle of getting home even for 48 hrs itd be possible) Its more I dont know if I even am mentally and emotionally able to.. As it is, I know I will not be home for my grans 90 th cos My sister migrating that weekend.. That enough Heartache for one weekend with out tryin to deal with family and such..
I've never have nor doubt I'll be able to forgive or forget what certain people have done to me.. (including certain so called Professionals)..
I'm willing to live any where else except home.. if it will make my family life easier, I think my poor mother has realised that.. and even given me the push to move away.. which I can tell, is causing her heartache, especially with my sister moving away in 5 weeks..
I know at home certain women more so than guys are the most homophobic.. including people that work with my mother, People whose no idea bout me, and like me, if they knew, would change their opinion of me, my sister and of my parents. I just dont know if I can handle hurting my family any much more.. Certain Gaireans know what I mean..
Im sorry for this Rant, just realised its probably in the wrong thread, The drink made me a bit emotional..