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Advice Please (Coming Out)
 
# 31 : Saturday 15-12-2012 @ 11:38
 
 
Someone said :

It amazes me how blinkered and self-centred the reaction of some people can be.
If they only knew about the years of pain, anguish, secrecy, mental torture that we've gone through over the years,
trying to figure out why the hell society and other people have such a problem with this simple, simple thing.

It would be pretty self centered of us to expect our parents to accept it without initially being worried / shocked / upset. This passes though and mostly our parents deal with it in the best way they can.

Your Dad will come around sorted, it takes time though. There's never a right or wrong time to come out but a lot of the time what you think is anger / disgust is just worry or them thinking they failed you in some way.

Work with them on it. I'm sure they still love you.

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# 32 : Saturday 15-12-2012 @ 11:48
 
 
Your dad will come around but whats most important is that you have now relieved yourself of a huge burden and shared who you really are with the people you love.
as shaggy said, parents will often question themselves and feel some kind of need to think they have done soemthing wrong. others are still very ignorant of what being gay is and what it means to a gay person.
Sloelad had a very good piece on his coming out and again his parents reaction but they are fine with it now.
using phrases like ruinin christmas is just a spontaneous reaction to a bit of news that they dont know how to handle - stick with it they will be fine - but whats most important is your own happiness as only you can live your own life.

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# 33 : Saturday 15-12-2012 @ 11:49
 
 
Someone said :

It amazes me how blinkered and self-centred the reaction of some people can be.
If they only knew about the years of pain, anguish, secrecy, mental torture that we've gone through over the years,

It would be more amazing if they were able to put themselves in our position at a moments notice and be able to understand the things that you mention.
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# 34 : Saturday 15-12-2012 @ 13:47
 
 
Someone said :
Said I ruined Christmas, told him wasn't telling them to hurt them, said I should change, told him I can't change who I am, he said what about work said I'm not changing any way.I work, he said what about having girlfriend said not had one in over 15 years, it's the toughest reaction i have experienced everyone else I have told didn't care, only one friend cried

...

Well done on telling them. I'm sorry that the reaction was not exactly pleasant but people can and do change so I am sure sooner rather than later your parents will be embarrassed and apologetic about how they behaved.
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# 35 : Saturday 15-12-2012 @ 14:21
 
 
Thanks for all comments yeah I hope they change, I told them there are groups and organisations they can talk to or they can ask me anything they, yeah i know I'd rather not have to do it, but had to for my sanity
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# 36 : Thursday 27-12-2012 @ 12:25
 
 
Just wondering did anyone ever notice their parents changing a bit since telling them you were gay, over Christmas I felt my Mom didn't really talk to me that much, felt she was a bit distant to me, neither of my parents have said anything about me coming out to them since I told them two weeks ago
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# 37 : Thursday 27-12-2012 @ 13:19
 
 
people shouldnt change however people may feel slightly awkard around it cause it doesnt fit in to the 'norm' ... I am not saying its right that the do this.. I am just saying it is...
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# 38 : Thursday 27-12-2012 @ 13:27
 
 
People react differently. I think the best thing to do is to try to put yourself in their position. Remember that your parents are human beings. They are as flawed as you and I.

Don't assume anything from their silence. You have come out to them so there is a plethora of issues that could be swirling around. Their dreams of a traditional family, of grandchildren. Ireland is no homosexual utopia yet any parent will fear for the hard life their child must embark on by coming out.

Purely not knowing how to discuss what they see as a sexual issue could be at the root of it. Whatever it is you have dropped a bombshell give them a break.

There is no cookie cutter parent reaction. Just don't be so hard on them, don't expect them to knit rainbow long johns and start parading down O'Connel street. Let them digest it and concentrate on you moving forward with your life. It's not obligatory for them to come along.

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# 39 : Thursday 27-12-2012 @ 13:42
 
 
Someone said :
Just wondering did anyone ever notice their parents changing a bit since telling them you were gay, over Christmas I felt my Mom didn't really talk to me that much, felt she was a bit distant to me, neither of my parents have said anything about me coming out to them since I told them two weeks ago

To what extent do you think that is that down to a permanent change in her attitude or feelings towards you as against the fact that there had been only two weeks since she got a jolt which she is still processing?

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# 40 : Thursday 27-12-2012 @ 13:59
 
 
Someone said :
Just wondering did anyone ever notice their parents changing a bit since telling them you were gay, over Christmas I felt my Mom didn't really talk to me that much, felt she was a bit distant to me, neither of my parents have said anything about me coming out to them since I told them two weeks ago

The same happened to me when I came out many years ago.
My mother has never said the word "gay" to me and probably not to anyone else.
But she always made a point of telling me she loved me.
It took my dad about 5 years to say "gay".
Our relationship is great now.
There's no reason for them to mention homosexuality really than there is for them to mention heterosexuality or sex to their straight children.
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# 41 : Thursday 27-12-2012 @ 16:18
 
 
Thanks guys, yeah I guess it's big shock for them, I know it will take a while for them to accept me being gay or they may never accept it but just would like my Mom to talk to me about anything without being scared
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# 42 : Friday 28-12-2012 @ 00:19
 
 
Someone said :
Thanks guys, yeah I guess it's big shock for them, I know it will take a while for them to accept me being gay or they may never accept it but just would like my Mom to talk to me about anything without being scared

Have you tried saying that to her?
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# 43 : Friday 28-12-2012 @ 21:04
 
 
no just being normal to her, talking to her but she just seems distant to me, my Dad is being more normal
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# 44 : Saturday 4-6-2016 @ 19:29
 
 
thanks for the advice
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# 45 : Saturday 4-6-2016 @ 19:40
 
 
Someone said :
looking for chat

You might want to try the classifieds and not hijack a thread!
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