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A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum...
 
# 16 : Tuesday 25-9-2012 @ 12:41
 
 
I like that one.

I went into Xtra vision and said "can I rent Batman Forever"

They said "no, you can only have it for two nights"
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# 17 : Tuesday 25-9-2012 @ 12:48
 
 
I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: “What does surrender mean?” I said: “I give up!”
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# 18 : Monday 10-12-2012 @ 20:23
 
 
Wife texts husband


Wife texts husband, on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen."

Husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back, 5 minutes later: "Computer completely fucked up now."
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# 19 : Friday 21-12-2012 @ 18:52
 
 
I got a customer email today that started off as "Fap Thomas"
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# 20 : Friday 21-12-2012 @ 18:55
 
 
Someone said :
I got a customer email that started off as "Fap Thomas"

Freudian slip?
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# 21 : Friday 21-12-2012 @ 18:58
 
 
Its definitely an attention grabber
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# 22 : Friday 21-12-2012 @ 19:17
 
 
At the end of my language last last week, I went down to the basement to have a piss (before the 1.5 hour trip home).

As I turned into the short corridor, a man standing outside the toilets looked at me. He kept looking at me as I walked towards him, and then when I had gone through the door, he was still looking at me.

"Hello", I thought, "it's a long time since I was cruised so blatantly".

As I pissed, I considered the situation. I'm not into picking up strangers at toilets, but beggars can't be choosers... on the other hand, they'll be locking up the building in ten minutes, and the only gents' in the building with two cubilces and three urinals is hardly anonymous. But what if I get into conversation and see if he's interested. But really, cruising me . And here. There's life in the old dog yet.

With the bladder emptied, zip redone, and hands washed as I mulled the possibilities and what I'd like to do, I headed back out. He was no longer in the corridor, but as I went through the door to the stairwell, I could see him on the first half-landing.

He was speaking to somebody further up whom I couldn't see: "I found it in the toilet and I've been looking to see if anybody coming down here is worried they lost it".

Hopeful bubble promptly burst


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# 23 : Monday 21-1-2013 @ 18:55
 
 
I had a Tesco burger earlier, now I've got the trots.

It's been tough lately working on the meat counter. I feel like I'm flogging a dead horse.

A burger walks into a bar and orders a pint. "I can't hear you" says the barman. "Sorry," replies the burger. "I'm a bit horse".

"Hamburgers" is an anagram of "Shergar bum".

I checked the burgers in my fridge........and they're off.

I was just in the Tesco cafe and they asked me if I wanted anything on my burgers so I said I'll have a fiver each way.
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# 24 : Monday 21-1-2013 @ 18:57
 
 
Everyone's over the horse burger thing already.
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# 25 : Sunday 21-4-2013 @ 20:49
 
 
I don't know what this thread is about or if this is even the place for it but I'll post it here.

This is funny

13 Horrible Things That Can Happen At A Gay Club

http://www.buzzfeed.com/hillary4lyfe/13-horrible-things-that-can- etc ...
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# 26 : Sunday 28-4-2013 @ 22:52
 
 
Two young nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even one single drop of paint on their habits. After discussing it, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other, shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice tits," says the man. "Where do you want the blinds?"
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# 27 : Sunday 28-4-2013 @ 23:11
 
 
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# 28 : Monday 29-4-2013 @ 09:56
 
 
That was a good one Kev, I actually lolled.
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# 29 : Saturday 4-5-2013 @ 12:47
 
 
Was browsing Gaire in a coffee shop just there and I knocked over my drink. Had to get a towel and make two trips to the toilet to wring out and wipe it all up
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# 30 : Saturday 1-6-2013 @ 21:30
 
 
That awkward moment when you are in the National Museum and some guy recognizes your Smile Pretty Cure t-shirt. It was weird being called an Otaku in person.
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