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Is An Affair Ever Justified?
 
 Poll Choices 27 Total Votes
55.56% / 15 Votes
44.44% / 12 Votes
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# 16 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 18:49
 
 
Thanks for all the moral(istic?) advice. If only life, and its tangled webs of emotion, love, passion, sexuality, communication, loyalty, bonding, making the best of situations.....Not much point in going on, its easier for most people to preach.
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# 17 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 18:50
 
 
Oh i'm sorry, i did not realise you just wanted to give your opinion and not have people respond to it with theirs.
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# 18 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 18:56
 
 
Someone said :
Thanks for all the moral(istic?) advice. If only life, and its tangled webs of emotion, love, passion, sexuality, communication, loyalty, bonding, making the best of situations.....Not much point in going on, its easier for most people to preach.

What do you want? A pat on the back? What I would say in your final line is "Not much point in going on" IF YOU CAN'T BE HONEST.
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# 19 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 19:16
 
 
Life is never so simple that it can account for all eventualities. I'm bi and married and there is no way that my wife would understand where I come from in respect to the "affairs", "flings" or other encounters that I have with men. I know this, because we have discussed gay issues in general, not specific to me, and she is in no way supportive of men who have sex with other men. I do love her, I don't want to hurt her but I also need these other desires and passions fulfilled. I don't know where within me these desires come from but I do know that they are emotionally powerful thoughts and passions which at times are almost overwhelming.
Yes, I do have sex with my wife on a regular basis and when we make love, I work at making sure that she enjoyes it to the fullest. However, I also need the other experiences in my life. I don't expect people to understand where I come from on this and I know that there are many who will condemn what I have said but from where I stand, life is not as black and white as it might appear to others.
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# 20 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 19:30
 
 
Someone said :
Life is never so simple that it can account for all eventualities. I'm bi and married and there is no way that my wife would understand where I come from in respect to the "affairs", "flings" or other encounters that I have with men. I know this, because we have discussed gay issues in general, not specific to me, and she is in no way supportive of men who have sex with other men. I do love her, I don't want to hurt her but I also need these other desires and passions fulfilled. I don't know where within me these desires come from but I do know that they are emotionally powerful thoughts and passions which at times are almost overwhelming.
Yes, I do have sex with my wife on a regular basis and when we make love, I work at making sure that she enjoyes it to the fullest. However, I also need the other experiences in my life. I don't expect people to understand where I come from on this and I know that there are many who will condemn what I have said but from where I stand, life is not as black and white as it might appear to others.

In order to do wrong, everyone has to justify it to themselves.
If your wife loves you and you have an honest conversation with her, maybe she might understand.
What is her experience of homosexuality?
Maybe if she understood how it affects someone so close to her - that would make her think a bit more about it.
The bottom line is that you don't know for sure how she would react OVER TIME to the reality of who you are.
Anybody who has come out about their sexuality doesn't know how people will react.
Many people say their parents would never understand.
I came from the most devout catholic family you could imagine.
My father made disparaging remarks about homosexuals when I was growing up.
But I came out to him and at first he had a hard time with it.
But as time passed he was becoming ok with it.
Then on one visit home I had a very open, honest conversation with him about it.
He seems 100% comfortable with it now and has been for a while.
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# 21 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 20:08
 
 
Someone said :
Life is never so simple that it can account for all eventualities. I'm bi and married and there is no way that my wife would understand where I come from in respect to the "affairs", "flings" or other encounters that I have with men. I know this, because we have discussed gay issues in general, not specific to me, and she is in no way supportive of men who have sex with other men. I do love her, I don't want to hurt her but I also need these other desires and passions fulfilled. I don't know where within me these desires come from but I do know that they are emotionally powerful thoughts and passions which at times are almost overwhelming.
Yes, I do have sex with my wife on a regular basis and when we make love, I work at making sure that she enjoyes it to the fullest. However, I also need the other experiences in my life. I don't expect people to understand where I come from on this and I know that there are many who will condemn what I have said but from where I stand, life is not as black and white as it might appear to others.

"Life is not as black and white as it might appear to others", to me that is a primitive attempt at simplisitic justification. Maybe I'm too forthright, but I just can't condone your dishonesty.
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# 22 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 21:08
 
 
Someone said :
Life is never so simple that it can account for all eventualities. I'm bi and married and there is no way that my wife would understand where I come from in respect to the "affairs", "flings" or other encounters that I have with men. I know this, because we have discussed gay issues in general, not specific to me, and she is in no way supportive of men who have sex with other men. I do love her, I don't want to hurt her but I also need these other desires and passions fulfilled. I don't know where within me these desires come from but I do know that they are emotionally powerful thoughts and passions which at times are almost overwhelming.
Yes, I do have sex with my wife on a regular basis and when we make love, I work at making sure that she enjoyes it to the fullest. However, I also need the other experiences in my life. I don't expect people to understand where I come from on this and I know that there are many who will condemn what I have said but from where I stand, life is not as black and white as it might appear to others.

Yes Im sorry I get your point here but not your remedy. You dont seem to think that she has a right to make a choice here. Just you, you are the only one who has a choice to do what the fuck you want and sure "what she doesn't know wont hurt her".

Quite honestly I despair at the attitude of people like you. Why are you more important than she is? Why doesn't she have the right to decide how she wants to live her life? If her choice is to find someone capable of respecting the vow of monogamy then have enough respect to give her that choice.

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# 23 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 21:27
 
 
Someone said :

Yes Im sorry I get your point here but not your remedy. You dont seem to think that she has a right to make a choice here. Just you, you are the only one who has a choice to do what the fuck you want and sure "what she doesn't know wont hurt her".

Quite honestly I despair at the attitude of people like you. Why are you more important than she is? Why doesn't she have the right to decide how she wants to live her life? If her choice is to find someone capable of respecting the vow of monogamy then have enough respect to give her that choice.

I totally agree
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# 24 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 21:44
 
 
i dunno, if there is no possible good to be had from doing something then why do it? I mean if you know by telling your wife something it will ruin her life and your childrens life and presumably in many cases the lives of extended members of the family then why tell her? Its just sex.
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# 25 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 21:48
 
 
How do you know that polo? If you haven't even shown her enough respect and sit down and have that conversation? If all you have done is mention it in a fun and spanky way?

The point is you aren't giving your partner the right to make their own choice by lying, by pretending that all is well in the camp and getting your bit elsewhere.

It might be just sex to you... but that's the problem. There is no room in this equasion for the opinion, feelings, choices of the other. THAT is the violation.
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# 26 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 21:50
 
 
Someone said :

Yes Im sorry I get your point here but not your remedy. You dont seem to think that she has a right to make a choice here. Just you, you are the only one who has a choice to do what the fuck you want and sure "what she doesn't know wont hurt her".

Quite honestly I despair at the attitude of people like you. Why are you more important than she is? Why doesn't she have the right to decide how she wants to live her life? If her choice is to find someone capable of respecting the vow of monogamy then have enough respect to give her that choice.

I think this is the nub of the whole discussion. If someone wants to engage sexually with someone outside the relationship then choices have to be made, by both parties, not just one. It's having something fundamental taken away
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# 27 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 21:59
 
 
Yes.
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# 28 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 22:01
 
 
Someone said :
i dunno, if there is no possible good to be had from doing something then why do it? I mean if you know by telling your wife something it will ruin her life and your childrens life and presumably in many cases the lives of extended members of the family then why tell her? Its just sex.

I'm not being smart here
but maybe it will enhance her life to have honest communication in her relationship.
Maybe it would lead to a stronger, more loving relationship.
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# 29 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 22:20
 
 
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# 30 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 22:29
 
 

Kevin de Lyte said :
Thanks for all the moral(istic?) advice. If only life, and its tangled webs of emotion, love, passion, sexuality, communication, loyalty, bonding, making the best of situations.....Not much point in going on, its easier for most people to preach.

What do you want? A pat on the back? What I would say in your final line is "Not much point in going on" IF YOU CAN'T BE HONEST.

RC shite. Who wants a pat on the back, I know I don't. What makes you think that honesty will get anyone anywhere? Try reading Ibsen's The Wild Duck if you think that.
It's much better to keep things going, getting what happiness from the days as you can, avoiding hurt to the significant other, as far as possible, than to cause mayhem, unhappiness, emotional trainwrecks, when you're both pushing seventy. What's the point in all this moralism, self denial, double standard, self deception and hypocracy? No-one's partner is going to be happy about what's happening, but we learn to live with it, even if that means pretending not to know.
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