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Is An Affair Ever Justified?
 
 Poll Choices 27 Total Votes
55.56% / 15 Votes
44.44% / 12 Votes
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# 31 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 22:41
 
 
Yeh you are a real hero Kevin, You keep telling yourself that.
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# 32 : Tuesday 25-3-2014 @ 22:42
 
 
Someone said :

I'm not being smart here
but maybe it will enhance her life to have honest communication in her relationship.
Maybe it would lead to a stronger, more loving relationship.

Even if that is with someone else
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# 33 : Wednesday 26-3-2014 @ 07:29
 
 
Someone said :

RC shite. Who wants a pat on the back, I know I don't. What makes you think that honesty will get anyone anywhere? Try reading Ibsen's The Wild Duck if you think that.
It's much better to keep things going, getting what happiness from the days as you can, avoiding hurt to the significant other, as far as possible, than to cause mayhem, unhappiness, emotional trainwrecks, when you're both pushing seventy. What's the point in all this moralism, self denial, double standard, self deception and hypocracy? No-one's partner is going to be happy about what's happening, but we learn to live with it, even if that means pretending not to know.

RC Shite from a Jew. So now honesty is unwanted morality - is that not what the RC church engaged in for decades while it abused children? Hypocracy comes to mind on a massive scale.
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# 34 : Wednesday 26-3-2014 @ 13:43
 
 
I think some people are no good in bed and thats one reason it happens. On the other hand they may love their partner emotionally so stay with them.
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# 35 : Wednesday 26-3-2014 @ 13:46
 
 
no shit?
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# 36 : Wednesday 26-3-2014 @ 14:06
 
 
Someone said :

RC shite. Who wants a pat on the back, I know I don't. What makes you think that honesty will get anyone anywhere? Try reading Ibsen's The Wild Duck if you think that.
It's much better to keep things going, getting what happiness from the days as you can, avoiding hurt to the significant other, as far as possible, than to cause mayhem, unhappiness, emotional trainwrecks, when you're both pushing seventy. What's the point in all this moralism, self denial, double standard, self deception and hypocracy? No-one's partner is going to be happy about what's happening, but we learn to live with it, even if that means pretending not to know.

I can understand having that attitude if you have no respect for your partner.
And I can understand how one could get into a situation where one has no respect for their partner.
Sometimes people settle for someone they don't love because being in a relationship makes life easier in other ways.
I can also understand the feeling of "why should I deny myself a little bit of pleasure, when I've put up with so much crap for so long".
I guess if you have an affair you are prepared for the eventuality of your partner finding out and you make your choice, you decide if it is worth the risk for you.
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# 37 : Wednesday 26-3-2014 @ 15:44
 
 
I don't wish to sit in judgement on anyone here, circumstances are different for us all..However I do feel that if a person is indulging in affairs ect then their partner has the right to know...My ex cheated on me , at the time I was devastated, now looking back I realise that the choice to stay and work it out or leave was my choice and not his....Up until then he was choosing a life based on the notion, it was okay to cheat , as long as his family were happy , who was going to be hurt...I chose to leave, the marriage was a sham...Everyone deserves the right to know the truth..
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# 38 : Wednesday 26-3-2014 @ 17:47
 
 
Someone said :
I don't wish to sit in judgement on anyone here, circumstances are different for us all..However I do feel that if a person is indulging in affairs ect then their partner has the right to know...My ex cheated on me , at the time I was devastated, now looking back I realise that the choice to stay and work it out or leave was my choice and not his....Up until then he was choosing a life based on the notion, it was okay to cheat , as long as his family were happy , who was going to be hurt...I chose to leave, the marriage was a sham...Everyone deserves the right to know the truth..

I think someone chooses to stay in the relationship if it doesn't matter to them that their partner treats them with complete disrespect.
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# 39 : Wednesday 26-3-2014 @ 18:18
 
 
Someone said :

I think someone chooses to stay in the relationship if it doesn't matter to them that their partner treats them with complete disrespect.

...Very often it's because of children, many don't feel able to heap the trauma on their children...I know lots of marriages like this, and there is a huge rise in the numbers of people in their late 50s who seperate after their kids are grown.. It's hard to judge all circumstances, but I don't think it's as clear cut as you suggest..
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# 40 : Wednesday 26-3-2014 @ 18:39
 
 
Someone said :

I can understand having that attitude if you have no respect for your partner.
And I can understand how one could get into a situation where one has no respect for their partner.
Sometimes people settle for someone they don't love because being in a relationship makes life easier in other ways.
I can also understand the feeling of "why should I deny myself a little bit of pleasure, when I've put up with so much crap for so long".
I guess if you have an affair you are prepared for the eventuality of your partner finding out and you make your choice, you decide if it is worth the risk for you.



I'd agree with this. Of the the guys I know who cheat i would get the impression they don't respect their wives/girlfriends. I feel they still see their wives as being distinct as filling the role of "my wife" or "my girlfriend" and that as such you act in a certain way and do certain things that a husband/boyfriend does. Basically how everybody acts when they start dating in their teens except most move on from this and find someone they love as a person and not just as a "wife" or "girlfriend". what you said about them deciding its worth the risk though i'm not so sure, i don't think they weigh it up at all, they just convince themselves they wont get caught.
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# 41 : Wednesday 26-3-2014 @ 18:51
 
 
There is no justifying betrayal.

And make no mistake about it, that's exactly what you're doing when you are breaking your commitment to an otherwise loyal partner for the sake of your own pleasure.
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# 42 : Wednesday 26-3-2014 @ 20:14
 
 
Someone said :
...Very often it's because of children, many don't feel able to heap the trauma on their children...I know lots of marriages like this, and there is a huge rise in the numbers of people in their late 50s who seperate after their kids are grown.. It's hard to judge all circumstances, but I don't think it's as clear cut as you suggest..

Good point.
I didn't think about the children aspect.
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# 43 : Thursday 27-3-2014 @ 13:17
 
 
The poll vote is a bit of a surprise.
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# 44 : Thursday 27-3-2014 @ 17:56
 
 
Someone said :
The poll vote is a bit of a surprise.

Yeah, but the "yes" voters are keeping their heads down - I'm a no voter
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# 45 : Thursday 27-3-2014 @ 17:57
 
 
The whole concept of an affair needs to be revisited. Humans naturally seek diversity in all things. Perhaps the hurt some feel from a partner's affair owe much to fairytale concepts of everlasting monogamy that owe more to outdated Victorian idealism that the natural order of things.

To quote Forrest Gump: "Life is like a box of chocolates".

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