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Mom Won't Talk To My Boyfriend
 
# 16 : Tuesday 16-8-2016 @ 14:19
 
 
Someone said :
How about locking both of them in a room, head off for a weekend and let them work together to escape?


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# 17 : Tuesday 16-8-2016 @ 17:43
 
 
Someone said :


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# 18 : Tuesday 16-8-2016 @ 20:43
 
 
Your mother is being very immature about this. She needs to cop the f**k on!
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# 19 : Tuesday 16-8-2016 @ 21:28
 
 
bad girl
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# 20 : Thursday 25-8-2016 @ 22:30
 
 
Someone said :
Thanks I'll try have a chat one on one with her, I don't think bringing it up in front of everyone will help, my brother and sister won't say anything so it's up to me, it's weird situation to be in, mother doesn't like bf, then if I try to bring it up its me and him causing the problem according to the family, if I say anything causes problems with the bf as I'm not trying to change it.

Don't cut off contact, as it will force the rest of the family to take sides and you may end up being the one being cut-off.

When you have the quite 1-to-1 chat with her, remember one thing: how long did it take you to "come out"?
- How long to come out to yourself, between the time you felt you might be gay (or the vague realization that you were somehow different from the social expectations you had internalized) and the time you accepted that this would be your life and your balance?
- How long to come out to your friends? Family? Co-workers?
- How long before you felt most had accepted it and you no longer needed to think how to plan "the next talk", as it had become the social norm around you that it was who you were?

Now, consider that time, and consider that your mother has not had all that time herself yet: she only has the time since you come out to her. And more years behind her to make it a slower process.
Your boyfriend will need to be less sensitive about it, and respect that she gave you life, made you possible for him to have you as a boyfriend, and has no legal obligation towards you since you have been 18.

So don't go nuclear on here (the cold shoulder), and also don't sit her down for "the talk".
Be clear at all stage that there is no pressure, and that she does not owe you anything, because she does not.

Maybe next time you see her, give her something she likes, like sweets or flowers or a garden ornament or something link to a hobby of hers, from himself. Ideally be honest about it: ensure he selects it himself based on the preferences she has that you communicated to him.
Do you know what she likes, what her hobbies are?

Mother's day, he can send her a card. Etc.
He can make her favorite cake next time youse are going to a family gathering.
Obviously he should help in the kitchen with cleaning etc. Ingratiate himself to her. Do what ever boyfriends do to win over a mother.

And remember:
- she does not owe you (or him) anything; but you will always owe her
- she might need at least as much time as it took you before you "came out" to her
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# 21 : Thursday 25-8-2016 @ 22:47
 
 
Did you seriously suggest the boyfriend who she has nothing to do with send her a Mother's Day card and bake her a cake? Talk about jumping in at the deep end.

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# 22 : Friday 26-8-2016 @ 22:02
 
 
Someone said :
Did you seriously suggest the boyfriend who she has nothing to do with send her a Mother's Day card and bake her a cake? Talk about jumping in at the deep end.


I did.
If she likes baking or cakes, and he brings a cake he baked himself next time he calls over, it can start building a halo effect: she can find it easier to like someone who likes what she likes.

We should never take the acceptance of our parents for granted, especially when they are passed a certain age. There was a less entitled time when courtship was not only to woe the other half, but their families too, especially their parents.
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# 23 : Saturday 27-8-2016 @ 08:19
 
 
Someone said :

I did.
If she likes baking or cakes, and he brings a cake he baked himself next time he calls over, it can start building a halo effect: she can find it easier to like someone who likes what she likes.

We should never take the acceptance of our parents for granted, especially when they are passed a certain age. There was a less entitled time when courtship was not only to woe the other half, but their families too, especially their parents.

What if she tells him, to have cake and eat it?
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# 24 : Saturday 27-8-2016 @ 09:39
 
 
Someone said :

What if she tells him, to have cake and eat it?

If every topic here a joke for you?
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# 25 : Saturday 27-8-2016 @ 09:52
 
 
So what, he's abstract.

Best leave the cakes out of it, in case they end up in a Deidre, Gail situation.

Anyways, the mother is already trying to deal with enough gayness.

Baking a cake might just push her over the edge.
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# 26 : Saturday 27-8-2016 @ 16:34
 
 
Someone said :
And remember:
- she does not owe you (or him) anything; but you will always owe her

I disagree. What is it the Bible says? Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. Maybe she could start there?

If she can't make that simplest of gestures a trip to Coventry for a while will do her the world of good.
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# 27 : Saturday 27-8-2016 @ 16:50
 
 
Someone said :

I disagree. What is it the Bible says? Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. Maybe she could start there?

If she can't make that simplest of gestures a trip to Coventry for a while will do her the world of good.

I dunno about advising that. My trip to Coventry has lasted about three years. My trip was only meant to be for a short period. I struggle without a family a lot of the time. But too much time has passed now.

Some of the advice here when I particularly needed it when I was really in despair helped me a lot. Even just a few comforting words really helped me. Others not so much.

I thought what you thought back then. Didn't work out well for me.

Hope you work through it op and find a relaxing space in the future. I suppose patience and tolerance and understanding is the best option to move forward. Which I had none of.


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# 28 : Saturday 27-8-2016 @ 18:13
 
 
Sorry to hear that Pow Pow. My own stance is that people who see you as "Less Than" (or would see you that way if they knew you fully) are kinda not worth having in your life. But I tend to keep to myself anyway.
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# 29 : Saturday 27-8-2016 @ 19:05
 
 
Time is a great healer, so is distance!
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# 30 : Saturday 27-8-2016 @ 19:07
 
 
Someone said :
So what, he's abstract.

Best leave the cakes out of it, in case they end up in a Deidre, Gail situation.

Anyways, the mother is already trying to deal with enough gayness.

Baking a cake might just push her over the edge.

Baking a cake is gayness
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