Someone said :
Thanks I'll try have a chat one on one with her, I don't think bringing it up in front of everyone will help, my brother and sister won't say anything so it's up to me, it's weird situation to be in, mother doesn't like bf, then if I try to bring it up its me and him causing the problem according to the family, if I say anything causes problems with the bf as I'm not trying to change it.
Don't cut off contact, as it will force the rest of the family to take sides and you may end up being the one being cut-off.
When you have the quite 1-to-1 chat with her, remember one thing: how long did it take you to "come out"?
- How long to come out to yourself, between the time you felt you might be gay (or the vague realization that you were somehow different from the social expectations you had internalized) and the time you accepted that this would be your life and your balance?
- How long to come out to your friends? Family? Co-workers?
- How long before you felt most had accepted it and you no longer needed to think how to plan "the next talk", as it had become the social norm around you that it was who you were?
Now, consider that time, and consider that your mother has not had all that time herself yet: she only has the time since you come out to her. And more years behind her to make it a slower process.
Your boyfriend will need to be less sensitive about it, and respect that she gave you life, made you possible for him to have you as a boyfriend, and has no legal obligation towards you since you have been 18.
So don't go nuclear on here (the cold shoulder), and also don't sit her down for "the talk".
Be clear at all stage that there is no pressure, and that she does not owe you anything, because she does not.
Maybe next time you see her, give her something she likes, like sweets or flowers or a garden ornament or something link to a hobby of hers, from himself. Ideally be honest about it: ensure he selects it himself based on the preferences she has that you communicated to him.
Do you know what she likes, what her hobbies are?
Mother's day, he can send her a card. Etc.
He can make her favorite cake next time youse are going to a family gathering.
Obviously he should help in the kitchen with cleaning etc. Ingratiate himself to her. Do what ever boyfriends do to win over a mother.
- she does not owe you (or him) anything; but you will always owe her
- she might need at least as much time as it took you before you "came out" to her