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Ashamed Of Being Gay
 
# 1 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 08:54
 
 
Having struggled with my sexuality for the last 45 years wavering between acceptance and denial and whether from catholic church teachings or societal disapproval I have always felt a deep sense of shame(of being Gay) which despite all my personal rationalisations and interminable councelling I cannot dispel.Also in my own mind I indulge in a low level of homophobia which I find hard to reconcile. Any thoughts?
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# 2 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 09:59
 
 
WeLl I don't know if you've been paying attention but the Catholic Church are on grindr society is totally accepting it's about time you were too

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# 3 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 11:26
 
 
Someone said :
Having struggled with my sexuality for the last 45 years wavering between acceptance and denial and whether from catholic church teachings or societal disapproval I have always felt a deep sense of shame(of being Gay) which despite all my personal rationalisations and interminable councelling I cannot dispel.Also in my own mind I indulge in a low level of homophobia which I find hard to reconcile. Any thoughts?

Have you mixed much with gay people? When I was coming out, I felt something similar, and looking back, I think that was due to not having gay friends, which meant that I didn't have personal experience of the normality of being gay to counteract the learnt 'othering'.
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# 4 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 12:04
 
 
Unfortunately Laserdog I can't offer any help or advice because I go through the exact same thing and I am desperate for a different perspective.

I'm doing the councelling thing but after a year now coming up I still find talking about stuff very stressful. I'd rather zone out or use distraction techniques. I just find it all incredibly painful.
But I will go all out and explore because myself and the world have reached the end of the road trying to figure out eachother.

Laserdog when you are doing the counselling thing do you give it 100% and not hold back? Is there anyway you could approach things differently? New pairing in councellor - I think the relationship is vital.
It would be such a shame to hear that you give it your best and still feel this way.
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# 5 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 13:45
 
 
Same here, you're not alone.
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# 6 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 14:14
 
 
Is some of the worry that you have to conform to a certain stereotype.
Eg. If you're straight you can't be single, you must have an opposite sex partner and maybe children.
Similarly if your gay you must go to gay bars, have loads of gay sex, end up with a long term same sex partner.

I suspect the stereotypes and social conventions don't fit everyone.
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# 7 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 14:45
 
 
I agree with 19% , I have been struggling for years, but am starting to be happy in my own skin, it's crazy because I don't have any gay friends, been twice to a gay bar, and they are not for me. Just try and be happy with who you are today.remember what's ever for you will not pass you??
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# 8 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 18:31
 
 
That's true, 19% and Joe. Do you think, Shame still haunts the human race and the way it was used to control the masses?
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# 9 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 18:51
 
 
Yes, but it's more of an internal shame , if you know what I mean. I feel that gay people judge themselves a bit two much. Maybe it's more my age group, living in small country villages. Like religion when I was growing up was a huge thing, we had to get off the footpath if we met a priest on it,don't get me wrong I still do believe in my religion, but I have tailored it two suit my beliefs .
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# 10 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 21:02
 
 
It gets better.

Oh hang on *looks at age*

Nope, you need a wee bit of counselling, and no shame in that. I think many of us of a particular generation all have a bit of ingrained vestigial shame.
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# 11 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 21:56
 
 
Someone said :
It gets better.

Oh hang on *looks at age*

Nope, you need a wee bit of counselling, and no shame in that. I think many of us of a particular generation all have a bit of ingrained vestigial shame.

Are you getting forgetful, in your old age and having to check it is not a good sign.
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# 12 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 22:12
 
 
Outhouse run personal development courses it might help you http://www.outhouse.ie/page16.html
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# 13 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 22:40
 
 
Someone said :
Outhouse run personal development courses it might help you http://www.outhouse.ie/page16.html

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# 14 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 22:49
 
 
Gawd I’ve had fierce and enduring self shame about it all. Little of it on reflection about my personal self but the all too real and authentic reflection and impact it had/ has on my family and wider community.

My father last month took part in a documentary around it all (i actually, gods damn it cried during it at one stage - I swear they spent days on end waiting/ willing/ plotting for mise to cry) and in terms of understanding, adjustment and reflection of identity it had its own standing.

I’m not going to pretend that everything’s okay, but things in relation to personal and communal shame is getting better.

The power of the neighbours eye has an unexpected tremendous effect.

The outhouse link is wonderful - and much worth exploring x
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# 15 : Saturday 20-8-2016 @ 22:58
 
 
Someone said :
Yes, but it's more of an internal shame ,

there's a term for that - internalised homophobia - where we received the negative messages from the cultural influences around us - church, state, school, family, media etc and we took them in and turned them against ourselves.
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