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Ashamed Of Being Gay
 
# 16 : Sunday 21-8-2016 @ 00:17
 
 
Thanks guys really appreciate the supportive messages and advice
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# 17 : Sunday 21-8-2016 @ 00:22
 
 
Thanks Mango
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# 18 : Sunday 21-8-2016 @ 15:23
 
 
Someone said :
there's a term for that - internalised homophobia - where we received the negative messages from the cultural influences around us - church, state, school, family, media etc and we took them in and turned them against ourselves.

Do you think, the Orlanda shooter was an extreme example of this?
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# 19 : Sunday 21-8-2016 @ 16:45
 
 
Someone said :

Do you think, the Orlanda shooter was an extreme example of this?

I'm not sure and all I can answer is possibly.
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# 20 : Sunday 21-8-2016 @ 20:38
 
 
I overcame my 'shame' by forgiving myself.
(I also subsequently realized, after this happened that there was nothing to forgive)

It's a short sentence, but it took the guts of about 9 years to achieve.
The reason I can be so specific about the time is because I did nothing until I did this, once I had come to terms with who I was I then came out etc etc, and from puberty to telling someone was almost exactly 9 years

The mistake people make is not forgiving themselves and therefore rooting out the source of the shame.
Getting better at coping with your shame and becoming more socially skilled at handling it, is not the same forgiving yourself for something you see as shameful.

A metaphor would be something like, imagine you have a mangled hand which you're sensitive about, and in social situation you get better at coping with your shame and 'appearing to be fine' if someone brings it up. But coping with your insecurity is a stopgap, not a final solution. You eventually need to 'get onto' forgiving yourself and get in touch with who you really are, not the "imaginary you" you're battering the "real you" over the head with.


If you think about it this way; ask yourself "Am I ashamed of myself?" (hopefully the answer will be no)
then ask yourself "Am I ashamed of being gay" if the answer is yes, then you're essentially saying your ashamed of the person you really are.

And that's comparing the real you, to a fictional you.

I mean, I can imagive a me that can fly and shoot lazers, I can imagine a thin me, or a straight me or a smarter me,
but these "me clones" have the luxury of being make believe.
They don't live day to day, they don't have to worry about temporal existence or what their past is. They just pop into existence like a comic book character speaking Japanese and being thin and able to fly and have sex with girls (etc). Yeah well it's easy to be imagined into existence being perfect isn't it?

That 'real you' that you're tinkering with to make all these easy-to-imagine improved models is the one that holds your brain, the body that keeps you breathing, and the method by which you experience all of life and existence; the real you is already infinity more good and deserving of respect, and has been there the whole time holding the fort of your existence (often thanklessly and despite your vices and self destructive tendencies).

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# 21 : Monday 22-8-2016 @ 21:43
 
 
A great book to read is TRANSFORMING OUR PAINFUL EMOTIONS by WHITEHEAD & WHITEHEAD. It alerts us to the hidden richness and giftedness that sits behind our pain.
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# 22 : Monday 22-8-2016 @ 23:18
 
 
That book seems very christian orientated?
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# 23 : Tuesday 23-8-2016 @ 18:30
 
 
I have my psychologist tomorrow, should I discuss my sexuality with him or wait for someone else? I find it very difficult, talking about these things with other males and prefer the female of the species.
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# 24 : Tuesday 23-8-2016 @ 19:34
 
 
You should ask if theres any possibility of seeing a female. They just probably paired you up with a male without thinking.
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# 25 : Wednesday 24-8-2016 @ 00:14
 
 
Someone said :
I have my psychologist tomorrow, should I discuss my sexuality with him or wait for someone else? I find it very difficult, talking about these things with other males and prefer the female of the species.

Just ask honestly.
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# 26 : Wednesday 24-8-2016 @ 17:23
 
 
Someone said :

Just ask honestly.

We spoke, he reckons I'm a typical hetrosexual red blooded male and just confused because of my past experiences?
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# 27 : Wednesday 24-8-2016 @ 18:45
 
 
Well then ye didn't speak or else he isn't very good.
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# 28 : Wednesday 24-8-2016 @ 20:15
 
 
Someone said :
Well then ye didn't speak or else he isn't very good.

I'd have to agree with this. Something got lost in translation or hes unprofessional. Go back and discuss it. Its the only way to move forward.

I'm laughing listening to my input. So many things have got lost in translation for me that I sometimes end up angry and frustrated. Instead of doing what I should be doing which is questioning and teasing things out.

And when I do most of the time there seems a very reasonable explanation behind it.

Male/female shouldn't matter but of course if you really think you'd feel more comfortable with a female then request one. If they don't have one available at moment go somewhere else. They would never refuse you a different gender.

I really find it difficult to get my head around a qualified psychologist saying those exact words to you. I really do.

Edit - How many times have you seen this guy?

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# 29 : Wednesday 24-8-2016 @ 21:02
 
 
Someone said :
Well then ye didn't speak or else he isn't very good.

We spoke...........OK!
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# 30 : Wednesday 24-8-2016 @ 22:26
 
 
You're welcome!
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