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Coming Out Advice Please
 
# 16 : Wednesday 26-10-2016 @ 01:11
 
 
a your better off coming out , just tell them , i know as a guy who was not out , i think , the closet thing is good for a while but it kinda gets annoying after a good while of doing it , also being in closet and have hetro baggage is a lot of pressure of a person . people were long enough told who to love and all that , and coming out to a woman and then they say something weird back like , i know a guy how never came out , he told his sister once and she went , crying and everything .was all a big secret , i didn't see what was so big bout it , nowadays , weird ireland , ring up people and therapy are good , cost money, u buy books and stuff , and once u leave u still be married and living a lie , and possibly by not coming out creating future enemies in the family . Anyways what is she gonna say , she is married to a gay guy , she will leave , and she will get over it , maybe meet a new guy or do something new

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# 17 : Thursday 10-11-2016 @ 00:44
 
 
Leaving a marriage, especially with kids involved, is a big step. You haven't made it clear if you're gay rather than bi. I'm bi and married to a woman, with 2 kids. I've enjoyed sex with guys on and off over the years, but never wanted a long-term relationship with a guy. I notice now that during periods when my marriage isn't going well, my interest in guys increases, I guess as a sort of escape. Having sex with a guy and enjoying it doesn't automatically mean you're gay and should leave your marriage! Good luck with whatever choice you make.
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# 18 : Thursday 10-11-2016 @ 17:14
 
 
But is it fair and right to have sex with other men behind your wife's back? Not only is it deceitful and selfish, but it is potentially putting her health at risk too.

I find the concept of "married bi guys" cheating on their wives/partners with other men pretty distasteful.

I can understand why older gay/bi men might have been pressured, either through internalised homophobia or societal prejudice, to enter into heterosexual marriage but in the year 2016 there really is no excuse for this to happen in Ireland. If you are gay and married to woman, it's best for both parties to come clean, go your separate ways if need be and move on. Cheating should never be the answer.


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# 19 : Thursday 10-11-2016 @ 22:30
 
 
Someone said :

I find the concept of "married bi guys" cheating on their wives/partners with other men pretty distasteful

I find it hot.

Mail me!
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# 20 : Friday 11-11-2016 @ 00:26
 
 
Someone said :

I find it hot.

Mail me!

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# 21 : Monday 14-11-2016 @ 21:01
 
 
That's not going to help
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# 22 : Monday 14-11-2016 @ 21:03
 
 
Oh to be perfect. I hate myself for it. Hence on here for advice. Did not set out to do it.
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# 23 : Tuesday 15-11-2016 @ 11:01
 
 
All sorts of valid answers here. Think long and hard. I've kids also but need and want men so go offside when I can - not too often, hard to escape really. It's a lie yea but I feel it's better than ending a marriage and causing a lot of hurt that will last for a very long time.
A mate of mine took that route and I don't think it really worked out and is like an open sore to all concerned to this day. I tried to get him to just go offside but he felt it was dishonest, which is right of course but the grief and hassle in my view wasn't worth it. He thought he'd fall in love and that but ten years on he still hasn't found anyone. And the years are closing in.
It's a tough one but think it through long and hard.And mind yourself.
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# 24 : Tuesday 15-11-2016 @ 12:02
 
 
If you're ensure talk to a professional who deals with gay men so they can help you help yourself and your family. Contact the gay switchboard and outhouse in Dublin.
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# 25 : Wednesday 16-11-2016 @ 01:50
 
 
.
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# 26 : Wednesday 16-11-2016 @ 01:50
 
 
Someone said :
But is it fair and right to have sex with other men behind your wife's back? Not only is it incredibly deceitful and selfish, but it is potentially putting her health at risk too.

I find the concept of "married bi guys" cheating on their wives/partners with other men pretty distasteful.

I can understand why older gay/bi men might have been pressured, either through internalised homophobia or societal prejudice, to enter into heterosexual marriage but in the year 2016 there really is no excuse for this to happen in Ireland. If you are gay and married to woman, it's best for both parties to come clean, go your separate ways if need be and move on. Cheating should never be the answer.

As if straight men or women never cheated on their partners, but gays have to be virtuous! Come off it. "No excuse in 2016"? We only got gay marriage last year, let's not pretend that homophobia had been eradicated. There are still tons of men and women, stuck in straight relationships, who missed the boat. Sure, ideally they would separate from their current spouse before they experiment with same sex relations, but how many straight men or women leave their spouses for someone else *before* they even get off with someone else?

Let's get real. Society has conditioned people for centuries to deprecate same-sex feelings. I've never changed my opinion on this - I say to someone tempted by same-sex urges: don't die wondering. Try it out, stay safe, and if you think you want to make the leap, go for it! Don't think you have to act to a higher moral standard than straight people and ignore anyone that thinks otherwise.

Its nor your responsibility to uphold the sanctity of a marriage law that prohibited same-sex equality until a few months ago.

Live life as freely as you can, do your best to be true to yourself, try not to hurt others, but don't piss away your dignity or your happiness just because it's not the most ethically perfect solution. We spent long enough in this country ridding ourselves of moralising priests. Be free.
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# 27 : Wednesday 16-11-2016 @ 02:59
 
 
Some good points raised here. I'm not going to condemn anyone who "play away" with someone of the same (or opposite sex) behind their partner's back but I still think it's sad that people have to lie and deceive in order to get their jollies.

The UK film Softlad is a good look at a secretive gay affair in a straight marriage.

It saddens and indeed angers me that societal homophobia caused so many people to live a lie and marry an opposite sex partner when they couldn't accept their true sexuality. It's caused untold misery for tens of thousands of people in Ireland. Society has a lot to answer for.

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# 28 : Wednesday 16-11-2016 @ 08:42
 
 
I understand your viewpoint Wheelie, but you're choosing to ignore the wife who may have no idea their partner has these feelings. She will have hardly forced the guy into marriage, he must have some feelings for her or else they wouldn't have kids? Hes not a single man and made a commitment to this person. And there's nothing free about a life in which you lie to your spouse.
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# 29 : Friday 18-11-2016 @ 14:02
 
 
I think its alright to experiment if you put a limit on it. I will have safe gay sex 5 times (cos not every hook-up is a winner) or I will tell my partner in 3 months.
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# 30 : Monday 21-11-2016 @ 02:59
 
 
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