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Feeling Lonely And Socially Rejected
 
# 1 : Sunday 30-10-2016 @ 14:47
 
 
Do any of you have any advice or experience dealing with loneliness

My main social group has centered around the same group of people since I was 14 years old
But over the last 3 years or so that group has slowly drifted away especially in the last year.
Yes I still see some people but its getting less and less and when i do its generally only for coffee or an hour or something.
Added to the break up of my original social circle I have been trying to integrate into a new one
A bunch of people I have met through various work things.
However while I get on fine with them I haven’t broken into the inner circle.
Some of them have known each other for a while but others have known each for roughly the same time frame as myself.
I got on well with one who i tried to use as an anchor into the main group but this has failed
I feel incredibly left out and down at the moment
Apparently its what physiologists call Ostracism

The feeling got worse during the summer and now I feel increasingly down and depressed
I am trying to figure out what to do about the situation – to talk to some one but how to do that with coming across as a desperate.
I feel very isolated at the moment and want to improve the situation but dont know how


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# 2 : Sunday 30-10-2016 @ 20:25
 
 
I can relate quite a bit.

In my first couple of years in Frankfurt I made loads of friends, was working in a very international company with very young staff. It was great fun.

Than we were all fired and most moved away. I am now reduced to exactly two friends here and a handful of acquaintances.
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# 3 : Sunday 30-10-2016 @ 21:43
 
 
It's tough, was in that zone for years and it passes. So look forward, build that door and open it!
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# 4 : Monday 31-10-2016 @ 01:41
 
 
Chin up Starfire, we might meet up, we might even have a Gaire meet up before the new year.
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# 5 : Monday 31-10-2016 @ 10:41
 
 
Know how your feeling mate, going trough the same dark place myself
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# 6 : Monday 31-10-2016 @ 12:55
 
 
Thanks for your thoughts
Its though I think as you get older it gets harder to meet people form friendships
People have there own lives, work and everything but we are social beings and need contact with other humans both for companionship and to feel validated

My main issue is trying to become better friends and hang out more with a certain group of people with out coming across as needy or been a 3rd wheel.

Frodo do you know a site called toytowngermany
Its for ex pats in Germany and they arrange get togethers and other social events
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# 7 : Monday 31-10-2016 @ 13:23
 
 
Don't make the work group your main focus - save that for when you are at a loose end or the thought of going isn't such a big deal in your head - anchors and inner circles is over thinking it. Friendships take time and I'm sure you will eventually feel comfortable with this group.

In the meantime spread yourself around and concentrate on other activities, take a young relative to the cinema or the zoo, etc.
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# 8 : Monday 31-10-2016 @ 15:10
 
 
Yes that's good advice ! I have been obsessing over what's my life about, I came out as gay a few years ago, but live in a small town, and never meet anyone who is Gay? I am just thinking that I need to stop obsessing about meeting a friend or partner who is gay. In stead I need to start living for myself and that is a hard lesson for me. I am a people person, but since my mum died and I live alone now. I have convinced myself that I needed someone else to make me happy. But at 46 I am only realising that I am the only one that can make me happy. Hope this makes sence,it's been a dark journey for me to get here.
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# 9 : Monday 31-10-2016 @ 17:41
 
 
thanks for your advice
I get obsessed about things a lot thats the nature of my personality
The social group I am thinking of only has an inner circle of 3 people
I was good friends with one member and know an other well

My problem at the moment is feeling excluded
There was an event on last week that I wanted an invite to but wasnt invited to and yes that hurt. It is the feeling of been rejected that is getting me down at the moment as well as a lack of close friends
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# 10 : Monday 31-10-2016 @ 18:37
 
 
I'm in the same boat Starfire but with a difference. I get invited out to quite a few events but always decline. I am socially isolated because of my own worries and doubts.
This may seem a bit different but the end result is the same.
You could say just accept the bloody invite but its not as easy as that.
But I've been working hard on myself the past year and if it takes me another year so be it.
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# 11 : Monday 31-10-2016 @ 19:10
 
 
Someone said :

My problem at the moment is feeling excluded
There was an event on last week that I wanted an invite to but wasnt invited to and yes that hurt. It is the feeling of been rejected that is getting me down at the moment as well as a lack of close friends

Would you not ask to go? This group that you want to hang out with, do you ever arrange nights out and ask them?
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# 12 : Monday 31-10-2016 @ 20:42
 
 
Penny is right.

Don't wait to be asked,
You plan something and ask them.

You live the life you give yourself.
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# 13 : Monday 31-10-2016 @ 23:15
 
 
The best way to make new friends is to get involved in something outside of work - a social group, a sports group, anything. Decide on something that interests you and then seek out a group that supports that interest. If you are gay there are no end of groups catering to almost every interest. There is no need to be shy. Most such groups are delighted to welcome new members.
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# 14 : Tuesday 1-11-2016 @ 22:25
 
 
Someone said :

Would you not ask to go? This group that you want to hang out with, do you ever arrange nights out and ask them?

As I said I do over analysis stuff a lot and did think about this
It was in a persons house who while I have known for a while I have lot contact with over the last two years

There is various thoughts on when to invite yourself to events and when not to but generally one should use their judgement I tried dropping hints alright but that failed
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# 15 : Tuesday 1-11-2016 @ 23:07
 
 
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