Become A Member | Forum | Profiles | Personals | Classifieds | See Who's Online ...
 
View Topic
  Message Boards : Love / Health : View Topic : 43 Posts, Page 1 of 3
  HomeNewNoticesHot TopicsPollsStatsBlogs Login / Register
 
Adults Boomeranging Back At Parents': Stuck, Or Entitled?
 
 Poll Choices 16 Total Votes
0.00% / 0 Votes
12.50% / 2 Votes
87.50% / 14 Votes
 You Need To Be Logged In To Vote In Polls ...
 
# 1 : Sunday 2-7-2017 @ 12:27
 
 
I really start to have less an less sympathy for the middle-aged adult moving back with the parents.
More and more I start to feel they are the entitled "arrested-development" generation.

My father was kicked out pf his home as a teenager, in the cold of winter, without shoes. He managed just fine, and was fully settled in his mid-20's.

Immigrants come to this country with next to nothing, and end-up able to rent and then buy. Some with families at arrival, some with little to no English. (And I am not even talking about "illegal immigrants", "non-EU citizens" and "refugees")

A lot of people who would have struggled, but managed, in the past, feel that going to their parents is OK, without much regards for their parent's desire to have a life now that their end approaches.

I am not even talking about those who do it for a year. Some seem set to do it for 10 years.

I am starting to thing that some ( not all , but maybe most), feel entitled.
Entitled to plasma TV with Netflix and Sky; to free broadband; high-end mobile phones with €60-80 contracts; free hot water; a meal or two a day cooked by Mammy and Sunday dinner.
And I suspect it is because they got so used to that middle-class type of facilities, as teenagers and young adults, that they do feel entitled to retain that lifestyle after they hit a bump on the road.
Some of them even achieved enough to allow them that lifestyle, sometimes living above their means, and when the job no longer is secured, they still feel entitled to these things.
Some feel that it is not their fault, nothing is ever their fault, and that going back to college will give them that extra edge, but then the market is unfair because a degree is no longer enough, etc.

I can hear people self-justifying already.
But my heart goes to the parents , who have paid for their own parent's retirement, have raised ungrateful entitled brats, and have to maintain them as adults.


Reply
 
 Recent Message Board Topics
Helping Me With The
The Moral Cesspit That Is Hollywood
Eurovision Song Contest 2018
Dead Thread 2017
Video Games - What Are You Playing Right Now?
Outed Anti-gay Campaigners Thread (Roll Call).
Non Random Thoughts..
Gay Men In Chechnya Being Sent To Concentration Camps
 
Hey! If you enjoy shooting the breeze with like-minded people, check out
our Message Boards
• Advice • Coming Out
• Computers • Current Affairs
• Discussion • Food & Drink
• Going Out • Humour
• Health • Music
• Newbies • Sexual Issues
# 2 : Sunday 2-7-2017 @ 21:34
 
 
Funny you should say, becasue middle aged adults having to move back to their parents house are starting to give less and less of a shit about you and your generation's reckonings on entitlement.
Especially not those, who are on medication for acute depression with no job, despite holding a PhD in sciences, arts and humanities and doing everything YOUR generation told us are the things we should do to in order to become independent, dignified adults.

You and those your aged have fucked OUR economy and planet up, and education system, and healthcare and continue to do so as you desperately and immorally cling to political, and industrial relevance and power, with grayer and grayer hair, and more and more desperate propensity to deny climate change, financial ruin, racism, sexism and war crimes.

Hurry up and retire. So we can fix the mess you left, thanks.
If you need us we'll be in your front room watching Netflix.

(I of course don't mean this personally, I'm simply showing you that it's not nice to be aged-profiled)
Reply
 
# 3 : Sunday 2-7-2017 @ 21:57
 
 
Reply
 
# 4 : Sunday 2-7-2017 @ 22:19
 
 
What do they be studying in college anyway? They seem to spend their life in college.
Reply
 
# 5 : Monday 3-7-2017 @ 04:19
 
 
It's becasue college is the only place they can percievably move forward with their adult lives.

People constantly underestimate just how dire the crisis facing young adults today is, as I did, until I had a friend literally tell me he was contemplating killing himself.

There is no comparison to being "inconvenienced by seemingly-entitled adult children" in the golden years of your life, with the feeling that you're entire existence has been rendered pointless by the economical climate you were born into and that you have no purpose as a human being, no matter what you strive to do, no matter what your dreams are, or no matter how hard you work.
You're just "a wasted generation".
Wasted becasue of the greed, stupidity and selfishness of those before you.
Reply
 
# 6 : Monday 3-7-2017 @ 16:33
 
 
Someone said :
[...]You're just "a wasted generation".
Wasted becasue of the greed, stupidity and selfishness of those before you.

I would not agree that my parents or grand-parents have been greedy, stupid or selfish. Not more than any other generation.
Especially if we consider they are the ones shouldering the responsibility of supporting the next generation, after supporting the previous one, and fending for themselves.

The greed of some quarters was not generational, and for from stupid from their point of view. That greed is still going and will keep going, from those who benefit from it.
Reply
 
# 7 : Monday 3-7-2017 @ 18:15
 
 
Someone said :
with the feeling that you're entire existence has been rendered pointless by the economical climate you were born into and that you have no purpose as a human being, no matter what you strive to do, no matter what your dreams are, or no matter how hard you work.
You're just "a wasted generation".
Wasted becasue of the greed, stupidity and selfishness of those before you.

Sorry Greenman, but I don't like this stance at all.
Blaming the generation that came before you for your lack of success (not you personally), smacks of laziness to me.
So some of us didn't get our dream career? (I'm not a radio DJ), but we work hard and have decent lives regardless of who came before us.

Life is what you make it.
If a person sits around and blames a bunch of strangers for their failings, I won't have any sympathy for them.
Reply
 
# 8 : Monday 3-7-2017 @ 19:46
 
 
Are you stuck in this situation greenman?

We're about the same age and I don't think anything you said there was fair.

Life is what you make it.
Reply
 
# 9 : Monday 3-7-2017 @ 20:35
 
 
I can tell you what it's like from my perspective,
I moved back to Mayo after successfully auditioning for a teaching job. Secured a house to live in, sorted out rent, utilities etc, after training with them in things like child safety and company policy, I then spent three years without a SINGLE HOUR of work and eventually I just stopped contacting them.

After I while I just gave up telling people I had a job, and after 5 years of third level education and 3 years working "zero hours" as a teacher, I started gigging again for tiny amounts of money in small, busy, pubs full of people knocking pints on top of you and requesting Wagon Wheel and Galway Girl.

I'm 32 years old and I am literally earning money to keep myself fed and housed (I don't even have the luxury of moving home, my mum has a small house, and I would literally be sleeping on the couch).
I cannot afford medical treatment for problems, and I only go to the doctor when I fear for my life, or to get STD screenings if-and-when I ever meet someone I hit it off with. I've been holding off a toe operation because I'm too busy and too poor to take time off AND afford the procedure. I've even been recommended to be tested for a high-functioning-spectrum learning disorder, which I have also been holding off, becasue again, money, time off.


Or from the perspective of another close friend of mine; one of whom is now on the dole having been told "OK, toodles!" after 4 years of PhD research and lecturing for the university he was studying in.
He's now got a PhD, and a CV with nothing on it except an entire adult life dedicated to a career in academia, which is now worthless becasue rather then give him a job as a lecturer, they can just get the 'next' PhD resercher to lecturer for them for free, until that guy gets tossed aside for the newer resercher.
Endless conveyor belt of free labour; who needs to employ anyone?

He has moved back with his parents, both retired teachers, and in between being self employed and trying to earn enough to get a career going, he has the social welfare, Tus, Fas, whatever calling him up for reviews asking him if he's sent enough CV around to the local fast food restaurants or considered volunteer work.
This was a guy who 5 years ago was organizing conferences in England, Europe and Brazil.

And that's just one to choose from.

You can either "listen to try understand", or you can "listen to retort".


Read this.
http://www.thejournal.ie/suicide-young-men-ireland-3026176-Oct201 etc ...


Reply
 
# 10 : Monday 3-7-2017 @ 22:25
 
 
There are many many reasons why people move back home. The current rental situation in Ireland is grim to say the least and not all job sectors are seeing a resurgence. The scenarios the OP has come up with are bizarrely short-sighted. Why do you feel bitter and unsympathetic towards others who are struggling? Its fine if your priority is to buy or rent your own property but not everyone wants the same things.
Reply
 
# 11 : Tuesday 4-7-2017 @ 04:26
 
 
Someone said :
I can tell you what it's like from my perspective,
I moved back to Mayo after successfully auditioning for a teaching job. Secured a house to live in, sorted out rent, utilities etc, after training with them in things like child safety and company policy, I then spent three years without a SINGLE HOUR of work and eventually I just stopped contacting them.

After I while I just gave up telling people I had a job, and after 5 years of third level education and 3 years working "zero hours" as a teacher, I started gigging again for tiny amounts of money in small, busy, pubs full of people knocking pints on top of you and requesting Wagon Wheel and Galway Girl.

I'm 32 years old and I am literally earning money to keep myself fed and housed (I don't even have the luxury of moving home, my mum has a small house, and I would literally be sleeping on the couch).
I cannot afford medical treatment for problems, and I only go to the doctor when I fear for my life, or to get STD screenings if-and-when I ever meet someone I hit it off with. I've been holding off a toe operation because I'm too busy and too poor to take time off AND afford the procedure. I've even been recommended to be tested for a high-functioning-spectrum learning disorder, which I have also been holding off, becasue again, money, time off.


Or from the perspective of another close friend of mine; one of whom is now on the dole having been told "OK, toodles!" after 4 years of PhD research and lecturing for the university he was studying in.
He's now got a PhD, and a CV with nothing on it except an entire adult life dedicated to a career in academia, which is now worthless becasue rather then give him a job as a lecturer, they can just get the 'next' PhD resercher to lecturer for them for free, until that guy gets tossed aside for the newer resercher.
Endless conveyor belt of free labour; who needs to employ anyone?

He has moved back with his parents, both retired teachers, and in between being self employed and trying to earn enough to get a career going, he has the social welfare, Tus, Fas, whatever calling him up for reviews asking him if he's sent enough CV around to the local fast food restaurants or considered volunteer work.
This was a guy who 5 years ago was organizing conferences in England, Europe and Brazil.

And that's just one to choose from.

You can either "listen to try understand", or you can "listen to retort".


Read this.
http://www.thejournal.ie/suicide-young-men-ireland-3026176-Oct201 etc ...

I worked as a security guard and store detective for several years. I also delivered parcels as a motorcycle courier.
The difference between you, your friend and I is quite obvious... I am willing to work for a living and don't sit around feeling sorry for myself.

Reply
 
# 12 : Tuesday 4-7-2017 @ 06:07
 
 
Someone said :
I worked as a security guard and store detective for several years. I also delivered parcels as a motorcycle courier.
The difference between you, your friend and I is quite obvious... I am willing to work for a living and don't sit around feeling sorry for myself.

Can you explain to me where you're getting the idea that I'm not working for a living? (or willing to do so?) and also what kinda of stupid moron wouldn't be willing to work for a living?
I've never worked more the I have in the last few years.
Reply
 
# 13 : Tuesday 4-7-2017 @ 07:11
 
 
Someone said :
There are many many reasons why people move back home. The current rental situation in Ireland is grim to say the least and not all job sectors are seeing a resurgence. The scenarios the OP has come up with are bizarrely short-sighted. Why do you feel bitter and unsympathetic towards others who are struggling? Its fine if your priority is to buy or rent your own property but not everyone wants the same things.

There is no bitterness.

I think we are to used to sugar coat things to avoid offending or hurting people's feelings.

I made it clear from the start that this is not about people with special needs, or tragic circumstances.
Or those who a) make it clear their goal is for it to be temporary, and thus put up with all the constraints; and b) are grateful for their luck in their misfortune, for the blessing that their parents are once more when they are no longer duty-bound to be.

Similarly I would not say that all fat people are lazy and should just eat less and exercise more! But I would not make mine all the possible excuses and outs from responsibility.

Also I said "less and less sympathy", not "more and more hate and spite".

I think there is a part of them who are the share of people who always needed that security blanket, and always will.
And for those who are unable to express or feel gratefulness for reasons beyond their control, there is leeway.

But then there is a growing part of people who do not understand (or pretend to themselves not to understand) how lucky they are to have such a security blanket, who fail to understand that their "failure to launch" or their "emergency landing" is not the fault of their landing pad.

And then who fail to kiss the ground on which their parents walk, but instead behave like teenage brats, who feel they are too old and mature to abide by a curfew, etc. All the shite they have to put up with when they go back home rent-free or rent-light...

And if I started to list all the reasons the thread does not apply to A, B or C, then everyone will find an "out" why they are not that entitled brat.

I would love to hear from some of these parents, and their experience. And their struggle with the guilt associated with being blamed for their generation's struggles. And how their generation is and has been struggling with their own demons, own issues, own depressions.

Some of them will have loved the return of the prodigal son. Some of them will have struggled with that daughter whose special needs they thought they had helped compensate enough for long enough.

Will someone, please, think of the parents?


Someone said :
Its fine if your priority is to buy or rent your own property but not everyone wants the same things.

What about the parent's priority. It is fine if their objective is to support their children till after they retire [they can be either...]. But most parents deserve to have a life after their children have reached maturity (if able, etc. )

Our priority, as children, is irrelevant to our parent's plans. Lest we start feeling... entitled...
Reply
 
# 14 : Tuesday 4-7-2017 @ 08:50
 
 
Someone said :
I can tell you what it's like from my perspective,
I moved back to Mayo after successfully auditioning for a teaching job. Secured a house to live in, sorted out rent, utilities etc, after training with them in things like child safety and company policy, I then spent three years without a SINGLE HOUR of work and eventually I just stopped contacting them.

After I while I just gave up telling people I had a job, and after 5 years of third level education and 3 years working "zero hours" as a teacher, I started gigging again for tiny amounts of money in small, busy, pubs full of people knocking pints on top of you and requesting Wagon Wheel and Galway Girl.

I'm 32 years old and I am literally earning money to keep myself fed and housed (I don't even have the luxury of moving home, my mum has a small house, and I would literally be sleeping on the couch).
I cannot afford medical treatment for problems, and I only go to the doctor when I fear for my life, or to get STD screenings if-and-when I ever meet someone I hit it off with. I've been holding off a toe operation because I'm too busy and too poor to take time off AND afford the procedure. I've even been recommended to be tested for a high-functioning-spectrum learning disorder, which I have also been holding off, becasue again, money, time off.


Or from the perspective of another close friend of mine; one of whom is now on the dole having been told "OK, toodles!" after 4 years of PhD research and lecturing for the university he was studying in.
He's now got a PhD, and a CV with nothing on it except an entire adult life dedicated to a career in academia, which is now worthless becasue rather then give him a job as a lecturer, they can just get the 'next' PhD resercher to lecturer for them for free, until that guy gets tossed aside for the newer resercher.
Endless conveyor belt of free labour; who needs to employ anyone?

He has moved back with his parents, both retired teachers, and in between being self employed and trying to earn enough to get a career going, he has the social welfare, Tus, Fas, whatever calling him up for reviews asking him if he's sent enough CV around to the local fast food restaurants or considered volunteer work.
This was a guy who 5 years ago was organizing conferences in England, Europe and Brazil.

And that's just one to choose from.

You can either "listen to try understand", or you can "listen to retort".


Read this.
http://www.thejournal.ie/suicide-young-men-ireland-3026176-Oct201 etc ...

Well lots of people are breaking their backs trying their best to maintain rent/mortgage while holding down a job. No holidays or luxeries for them. And experiencing all the same problems and more than you.
Reply
 
# 15 : Tuesday 4-7-2017 @ 19:15
 
 
In 2008 I had a crisis in my career (workplace bullying) and my long-term relationship fell apart. It was sheer hell. I moved back in with my Dad for a couple of years, until I found my feet again. I was very grateful that he suggested that I move back into the family home with him.

You should never judge people who move back in with their parents. Some are trying to scrape together a mortgage for a place of their own, others do it for personal reasons. Each case is different. It's not a decision people take lightly and suggesting those that do are self-entitled, immature, selfish or over-dependent is simply unfair.
Reply
 
Prev 123Next